PopTox

B-Lisitngs: Try and Top Rick James, Bitch.

Sure, you might think that you were really fucked up last weekend, but the LA County Coroner has revealed thatRick James has taken drug overdose to the next level. River Phoenix, Scott Weiland and Elvis have nothing the Superfreaker. Yahoo! News.

For some reason, Lenny Kravitz is just so very un-Rick James. Especially when he goes around calling himself Silky Jones. National Enquirer.

We can’t wait until all of those Happy Meals force The Twins fat asses to wear elastic waisted pants. Yahoo! News.

We’re not sure what Matt Damon is alluding to, but if he’s talking about a remake of this Schwarzenegger flick, we want out. Yahoo! News.

For a compendium of musical OD’s visit the Dead Rock Stars Club.

Listen to the song Superfreak.

B-Listings: Nicky Hilton, Depp Does Lucci, etc.

Many apologies to our loyal PopTox readers for the lack of content and response over the past few days, but quite frankly, the people who run rehab centers don't give you even a second to get away with something as harmless as celebrity slander.

The Littlest Hilton and her Todd Meister can’t get any respect at the Manhattan celebrity drunk tank Bungalow 8. Odds of a brand new Very Public Hilton Family Humiliation: High. Page Six.

The best way to think of the Filthy Celebrity Imposter is as a three way between Us Weekly, Penthouse Letters and Walter Mitty.If you’ve ever fantasized about Johnny Depp and Susan Lucci in a bathtub filled with pancake batter, this site should make you very happy. FCI.

Not that PopTox approves of this Chuck Zito Page Six item, but we’re pretty sure that Strunk and White would agree this is the correct usage of the slur “couple of mooks.” Page Six.

Visit Strunk and White's Elements of Style.

The Curious Case of Nicole Kidman

Take a quick look at Nicole Kidman’s bust in the following two pictures. Notice any difference? We thought so. Generally, the unusually lovely Nicole barely fills out a training bra, however in the picture on the right it seems as if Kidman has drastically raised her profile - so to speak.

What confounds the PopTox Research Department however, is not the change in size, but the timing of the change. You see, both pictures were snapped within the same 24 hour period on September 8th, 2004, i.e TODAY. How could this be?

PopTox R&D believes the most plausible explanation for the rapid expansion is that Nicole Kidman has actually cloned herself, albeit with larger breasts. Either that, or the plastic surgeons in Venice work molto veloce.

Needless to say, the uber-stupid PopTox R&D Department is still searching for alternative theories. Please feel free to email any ideas you might have.

Email: everythingimportant@poptox.com

Translate molto veloce.

Yahoo! News Pictures: Regular Nicole.

Yahoo! News Pictures: Busty Nicole.

B-Lisitngs: The Donald, The Dunst and OJ’s Lawyer

Bullshit Alert Level: High. Donald Trump claims he spends about an hour on his hair every morning. Come on Donald, everybody knows it only takes about 10 minutes for toupee glue to dry. Page Six.

Anybody who saw Cruel Intentions knows that rich girls don’t fight fair, but hiring OJ Simpson’s lawyer is just plain nasty. Somebody should tell Nicole Lenz to watch out. Page Six.

She doesn’t do cocaine, she just likes the way it smells. Kirsten Dunst will only get high on life. And booze. Contact Music.

Congratulations, Winona Is On The Phone

Scottish rockers Franz Ferdinand scored the coveted Mercury Music Prize in London yesterday. The award, chosen by a panel of critics and experts, honors the best album of the year released by British or Irish rock musicians. Other nominees included Basement Jaxx, Joss Stone and the rock group Belle and Sebastian.

Along with the 20,000 GBP award attached to the Mercury Prize, Franz Ferdinand can expect a new lifestyle that includes a boost in notoriety, increased music sales and a potentially unstable relationship with some bonkers, rocker obsessed actress like Winona Ryder.

Past nominees for the award include The Verve, Fatboy Slim and the Gwenyth Paltrow controlled Colplay. BBC News.

How many American dollars is 20,000 GBP?

Shop at iTunesto get up on the Mercury Music Prize Musicians.

Is Heidi Klum Coming To a KFC Near You?

The Phillips de Pury auction house in London announced that it has valued supermodel Heidi Klum’s legs to be worth roughly $1.9 million dollars. Currently, there are only two Heidi Klum legs in existence, weighing roughly 25 to 40 pounds per leg, meaning the street value of a Heidi Klum leg could exceed well over $23,000 dollars per pound.

By comparison, online grocery merchant Fresh Direct has valued Grade A, Antibiotic Free Chicken Legs to be worth $1.59 dollars per pound. Fresh Direct has also noted that these chicken legs, “can’t be beat for their for moist, rich flavor.” Fresh Direct.

No comment has been made regarding the flavor qualities of Klum’s legs.

The valuation was done at the request of the Braun Corporation which plans to feature the Klum legs in an upcoming ad campaign for electric razors. Yahoo! News.

Shop at iTunes and download the ZZ Top song Legs for .99 cents.

B-Listings: Scarlett Johansson II, Nic Cage, etc.

Scarlett Johansson gets propositioned by some reporter during a press conference at the Venice Film Festival. Frankly, with all of the rumors we’ve heard about Scarlett lately, PopTox is surprised she didn’t take him up on his offer. Yahoo! News.

Reports of marital disagreement between Nic Cage and his child bride, Alice Kim, have surfaced. The reason? Kim wants to return to school while “Nic is encouraging her to remain homebound.” [Subtext: Cage has imprisoned Alice Kim in his basement.] Star Magazine.

Some semi-rap star that we’ve never heard of makes the news for something other than rapper on rapper crime. Boring. VH1.

B-Listings: Scarlett Johansson, Tara Reid, etc.

It’s quite obvious that our country is in big trouble when the entire American political consciousness can be summed up by two members of the Baldwin family. Yahoo! News

Bullshit Alert Level: High. We know that Reese Witherspoon likes following The Britney implosion just as much as everybody else. AP via Miami Herald

Getting drunk by a pool and letting some swarthy guy manhandle her is just Tara Reid being Tara Reid. Page Six

Unnecessary Hollywood Stealth. Scarlett Johansson confirms that she is a celebrity by getting all incognito at a London club. Then she leaves. 3AM

Find God, Look Fantastic

If Madonna catches a glimpse of the following quote it might make her spit holy water all over little Lourdes and Rocco:

“Kabbalah works on the soul level, so with Kabbalah-inspired fashion, we work on the interior and the exterior,” says the collection’s spokesperson, Brian Long.

Who says you can’t be spritual and fabulous at the same time? Long also happens to be Paris and Nicky Hilton’s publicist. Somebody should get him a raise.

Read Kabbalah Chic at Yahoo! News.